I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
