All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
