Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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