I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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