I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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