At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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