Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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