i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
