i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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