tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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