did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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