Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she told me i tasted like america
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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