I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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