So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My cat gives me a boner
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
