part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
