had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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