don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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