I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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