i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
