Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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