I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
