Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
