Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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