So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
