if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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