So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
