I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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