Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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