He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
