Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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