omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
