i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
