I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
