Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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