she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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