I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
