Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
