i was born a porn star she said
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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