he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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