How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
