New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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