I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
