I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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