The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
