Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
