To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
