just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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