I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize