why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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