I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
