my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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