Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
