jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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