There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
