Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
