I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
