So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
