Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you still have your period?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
