they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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