he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
