Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
