I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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