He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
