high people should be assigned attendants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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