Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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