guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
