When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You dont lie about slip and slides
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
