everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
