What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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