I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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