My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
