Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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