You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize