note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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