somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
