kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have aggressive nipples.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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