Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
