I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
