Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
