toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
