Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."

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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.

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(208): View more from Idaho

booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

(1-770): View more from Georgia

You're a good friend.

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(757): View more from Virginia

and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

It would have only made it one day at my place.

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(813): View more from Florida

She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.

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